I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
