My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
