I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
