actually, I'm a sock model
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
