It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So vagazzling was a success
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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