thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
