Don't EVER smell your tampon
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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