I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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