Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
