Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
