rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
