he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
