Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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