Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
