The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
