Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
