Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
