I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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