Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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