A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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