Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
