I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
