okay pat passed out under dana's car
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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