Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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