I think I won the penis lottery.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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