Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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