worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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