is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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