I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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