There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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