You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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