this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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