before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the day after is always just damage control
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
