she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
