someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
