i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
