its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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