I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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