this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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