you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
