I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Randomize
