I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
