No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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