I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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