smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just tell him i said nine months
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
