So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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