ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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