Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
