if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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