And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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