maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
