I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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