i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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