He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
