SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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