I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
