but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
