captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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