No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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