You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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