But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
