i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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