My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
