i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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