when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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