Duck Duck Cougar?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes