If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy