The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
