Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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