my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
