Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
