Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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