its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
