yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
50% drunk capacity currently
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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