He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
