My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
