Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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