So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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