You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
