Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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