I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
